SEX BAN SOLUTION TO ZIM PROBLEMS

The endless chaotic administration of the Zimbabwean government can quickly be brought to a halt if Grace Mugabe, Joyce Mujuru, Thokozani Khuphe, Priscila Misihairabwi Mushonga, Olivia Muchena and Sithembiso Nyoni lead other female politicians into effectively embarking on an indefinate Kenya style of a sex ban. Writes Simba Nembaware

Governance issues can be corrected through the proper use of the bedroom as demonstrated by the Kenyan sex ban. A sexually starved politician begins to see things in the eyes of the ordinary man and that is what Robert Mugabe and his ZANU PF party, Morgan Tsvangirai and his MDC party and Arthur Mutambara and his MDC party need to be subjucted to right now if Zimbabwe is to move from the doldrums of unredeemable collapse.

Zimbabweans need progress that they were promised during 1980's Independence celebrations and during the recent signing of the government of national unity by long time rivals. But the politicians seem content with the status quo despite calls by the international community for rescuscitation of the economy.

Maybe if Gideon Gono and Tendai Biti are denied sex for a month by their partners they might put aside their differences and get funds following into the country.

If Agriculture Minister Joseph Made and his acquaintances in the fold of war veterans leaders Joseph Chinotimba and Jabulani Sibanda are denied sex indefinately we will see nomalcy returning to the farms. There will be no more farm invasions. His excellency, Robert Mugabe would redress the land issue properly by also considering issues of compansation of white farmers and desisting from racist rhetoric.

George Charamba's tongue would be circumcised and all the hate speech that threaten the very existence of the government of compromise.

David Coltart would not have to rely on donors to run around for him so that his ministry can pay teachers. The laziness would be gone.

Welshman Ncube would not let Zimra officials solicite bribes from flee market owners and vegetable vendors. We would be having clean water if Water Resources Minister Samuel Sipepa-Nkomo endured the winter chill without the fantasy and warmth of sex.

Universities would open and charge realistic fees if Stan Mudenge of Higher and Tertiary Education is deprived his basic need; just as he is denying countless thousands of their basic university schooling need.

Giles Mutsekwa of Home Affairs would be wanting a report from Police Commissioner Chihuri on the arrests of the leaders of farm invasions and the perpetrators of violonce and killings in the farms.

The ban would also see the quartet Minister of Defence: Emmerson Mnangagwa, Home Affairs: Kembo Mohadi, State for National Security: Sydney Sekeramayi Justice and Legal Affairs: Patrick Chinamasa making Zimbabwe one of the most lawful countries in the world.

There would be no more indiscriminate arrests of activists, there would be rule of law, there would be respect for basic human rights such as freedom of association and freedom of expression. These changes would accord Nelson Chamisa and Webster Shamu time and space to reason about the jurisdictions of their ministries and they entail.

There would be no more trumped charges on journalists, we would have a free press punctuated by the blotting from our minds the names Tafataona Mahoso and Media and Information Commission.

Laws such as Access to Information and Protection of Privacy Act (AIPPA) Public Order and Security Act (POSA) and the Broadcasting Services Act (BSA) would be revised resulting in Radio Dialogue being awarded a licence. SWRadio Africa, Radio Voice of the People (VOP) and Studio 7 would not have to broadcast from outside Zimbabwe. There would be other TV stations.

The DailyNews, The Tribune and The Mirror would hit the stands again but all these dreams shall remain shadows of reality if politicians continue to wallow in incompetence and have a good night sleep between the sheets after a long day of neglecting calls for the betterment of the lives of millions of Zimbabweans.